WALT improve our writing by carefully checking our sentences and trying to add descriptive language.
My next step is to try and add more descriptive language and more detail to my story.
My next step is to try and add more descriptive language and more detail to my story.
Backflip You Beauty!
I was so lucky because I was going to get taught how to backflip. Konrad,Mum,Dad,Piri,Jaja,uncle Jim,xivan and I. Went to the Auckland Jump wold. When we first got in we had to pay then we had to put on our bracelets and socks to get into Jump wold. I ran as fast as a lamborghini next I jumped and done a fold flip. Then bang I saw Konrad he came to get me he said should I teach you how to backflip. My eyes sparkled and I shouted “yes”
First Konrad told me to Jump backwards and i'll slap your legs so you can do a backflip my Konrad will do it 6 times. Befor I do it on my leg’s.
I was so proud of myself because I can do a backflip. I had an awsome day. With my family. My smile was like it was stuck to my face.
Andy I really love how you have used descriptive language to describe how happy you felt. It made your writing really interesting to read. There is a part in the middle that does not make sense. Are you able to see where? What could you do as a writer to improve that part? Keep working towards your goals.
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